Incredible India: A nation where girls are neither safe inside WOMB nor OUTSIDE!

Dear Nirbhaya,

It’s been three years since I officially earned my right to vote. Meaning, I have now earned to be called as a proud (?) and responsible (?) citizen of this ‘incredible’ country called India. Sadly, within this 3 years I have also learnt that I do not want to be part of this ‘incredible’ India. I even have started to doubt if there is really anything ‘incredible’ about my country. Now there is only one thing that I am sure of, I am definitely not a proud & responsible citizen of this country.

For if I were a ‘proud’ citizen of this country, people would be respecting our fellow country women. People would be looking upon women here as their own sisters/mothers/daughters. As for all I know is that, a nation can not be called as ‘incredible’ & its citizen definitely not as ‘proud ‘if its women live in constant fear of getting raped/sexually harassed/abused, not by any outsiders but their very own country men!

For if I were a ‘responsible’ citizen of this country, the least I could have done was to be aware about your battle for your life after some monstrous men – our fellow country men, raped you & later thrashed you with an iron rod, in a moving bus! I would be lying if I say I was not totally aware about the inhuman crime committed to you as I did read about it in a paper about some ‘gang-rape’ incident some time back, but sadly I chose not to go further into details as it had become kind of a ‘regular’ thing in news-paper for past couple of years!

It was only after yesterday that a fellow co-worker (a girl) sent me a link to an article describing how those fucked-up 6 people ruined your innocent life – for no fault of your own except that you were a girl & was out in the night with your friend, that made me realize how ignorant I had become- just like every other fellow country men of mine!

According to crime statistics, a woman is raped in India every 22 minutes. In fact, in past 3 years, I swear to God there has not been a single day in my life that I have not heard/read about a rape incident being reported from all around my ‘incredible’ country. And I am talking about only those cases where a girl is brave enough to report the heinous crime, the indescribable suffering she went through.

Looking back at those 3 years, I see that I am a failure – just like every other citizens of this ‘incredible’ India. I am a failure because all I ever did after learning about those rape incidents was to curse those rapists for a shameful act they’ve committed & also the Indian government for doing nothing about it. That was all. Later I would forget about it & instead  would worry about if India would win a damn cricket match or not. I may have shade some tears -in private- if the crime was reported in detail & I would fail to even imagine the pain, the suffering, the emotional trauma those innocent girls had to go through & for what a silly reason: they were girls, that’s all!

Nirbhaya, I want you to know that I come from a middle class family living in a small village in Gujarat & back in my village, people respect women like they are their own sister/daughter/mother/wife & that is what I have been taught since my childhood. Back in my village, I know people are not so much educated or smart and all, but they sure know the single most important thing a man should learn: how to treat their women with respect & dignity.

I say I am a failure as when I will go back to my village for some break or something & people there will ask me what I did to make sure that you got justice for all the suffering you went through, I am afraid I will have no answer as I did nothing but remained a mute spectator just like others. It is now I’ve finally learnt that I did not beceme a failure when I could not get into an IIT but it was then when you & thousands of innocent girls like you went through all the suffering caused by men- my own country men.

I say I am a failure as I am part of that cruel society where Goddesses are respected & feared, but when it comes to women- live breathing souls, they are barred of even their basic rights. I was educated enough to learn that there is  no point in worshiping thousands of Goddesses if you can not respect even a single woman in your life, but I am still a failure as I failed to educate the same thing to others, to those people who think that it is okay to say filthy things to a girl or even to rape her just because she’s a girl or because she’s wearing jeans or that she’s still out in the night.

I say I am a failure as I live in an ‘incredible’ country where the law is blind, the police are deaf and the Prime Minister is mute. I am a failure as all these times I thought that it is the duty of police & not mine to make sure that such crimes does not happen & that women live a healthy, respectful life. I am a failure as I failed to understand my duty, responsibility to make sure that instead of being ignorant or feeling helpless in some cases, if I actually did something, anything- like writing this article before, perhaps I would not be required to write it now!

I say I am a failure because I am a man. For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of being a man. For the first time in my life I would not be able to look straight into the eyes of my mother or sister the next I will see them. I feel shameful & my heart aches a lot after learning all the suffering you went through, just because you were a girl – a female.

Last but not the least, I would like to apologize to you – from all of us men, for all the intolerable physical pain & the emotional trauma that you had to go through. I would like to apologize that even after putting an incredibly brave fight for your life (which I am sure none of us men would not even dare to dream of doing) , you did not get to live. I would like to apologize for my ignorant behavior for all these years as if I were man enough to realize my responsibilities a little earlier, you might be alive – living a perfectly healthy life!

Nirbhaya, I want you to know that you have not died for nothing. I want you to know that you have awaken the souls of millions of Indians including mine. I want you to know that I have already started to work – right from writing this article even if it is not too much – as some say, to ensure that such incidents does not happen in the future. I know it’s a long road ahead but there is one thing that I would like to promise to you: I will not – at any cost let your voice go unheard for I want to be able to look straight into the eyes of my mother & sister, the next time I will see them!

I salute you for the brave fight you put up & I pray to God that your soul rest in peace.

52/2 & the Most ‘Normal’ Girl I Ever Met

There are some things one has to learn the hard way!

Following story is a half real-half fiction. It is the story of how I learnt to look & appreciate the beauty. It is the story of how I found the meaning of love, the hard way. It is the story though which I finally understood why ‘Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram’ is my favorite movie:

 

“Hey, would you like to seat down?”

9:50AM, 10th August, 2012 Friday,  I was on the way to my office in an AMTS bus. I still remember the exact time and place where I finally gathered some courage to speak with her, for the first time!

She replied negatively, shaking her head.

For a moment I wished she was a south Indian for that nod would mean a ‘Yes’ and I would not have to beg her to have a seat. (BTW, the only thing that helped me figure out she was not a south Indian was that dupatta on her face. Yes, that has got to be the trademark of a Gujarati girl especially Ahemdabadi girls. It doesn’t matter if it’s day or night, it’s cold or it’s raining, you gotta have that dupatta on your face! God knows if it’s supposed to be like a DUPATTA curse or something? ) ;)

I really don’t believe in begging or insisting especially to strangers, to tell you the truth. I mean, for all I know is you either want to have a seat or you don’t.

But since I was once told by a good friend of mine who is supposed to be like a champ with ladies and all (& that he is), “Dude, You always insist when it comes to ladies. That’s how they roll”.

I don’t know if I followed his advice or just went with my guts, but I insisted:

“Please, my stop is right around the corner. Please, have a seat. Please….?!”

I stood up from my seat. She looked at me & ignored. It was not like she did not want to have a seat (well, everybody wants to have one, right?). She just was not willing to have my seat, that’s all. But that was not the problem. What I was worried about was the fact that someone might get tired of all the ‘drama’ and take the seat, instead! Now, should something like that happen, I would’ve curse myself, for the rest of my life. ;)

After a while, everyone on the bus was looking at us. I guess most of them were thinking like I had proposed to her & either she was not interested or that she was taking her time. Even the bus driver stopped the bus for a while, just to check out what was going on and all, you know.

Ok, that is not entirely true. He stopped the bus as the traffic signal just turned red. :P

She looked around, must have felt the rising attention on her. She finally gave up and took the seat & I was like,”Now, how hard was that!” :P

BTW, I did see some cheering from the people at the back, the moment she took the seat! ;)

Now, it was alright I gave my seat to a girl and all. I mean, it’s not a big deal. Have done it for like a thousand times. It’s entirely different thing that she turned out to be really pretty. By pretty, I mean really pretty!

Yeah, the moment she had a seat, she took off her dupatta (or should I say, she ripped off the dupatta from her face and finally broke the DUPATTA curse on Gujarati girls :P) and God, she had a beautiful face. I almost went down on my knees to propose her, to tell you the truth! ;)

BTW, did I tell you how hard it is to stand in a 52/2 AMTS bus especially in the rush hours? In addition to that, there were like tens of stops before I reach my office on CG Road.  52/2 is like one of the most frequent yet most congested AMTS buses ever! At every stop, tens of people get off the bus and almost double the number gets in!

You are lucky if you find enough space to stand on both your feet & I am not lying. I am not 100% sure but I guess that must be the reason I gave my seat to the girl. :)

Boy, it was hard indeed to stand in the middle of an over crowded bus that gets more crowded, every time it stops. But then again, it was worth it, to tell you the truth.

I was standing right beside the girl’s seat and every time I had to make way for someone at the back to get off the bus, I would have to kneel inside towards the girl. That was the only way. In fact, even if you do not make the way willingly, there’s enough dakka-mukki that eventually you would have to give up!

Anyway, it was worth it as she smelled great too and NO, it was not her make-up. I doubt even she had any make-up on her face. She did not need any, if you ask me! :)

After like 5 minutes of hide and seek between her & mine eyes, she stood up to get off the bus at St.Xavier’s college. While leaving, she did return me my seat back just by facial expression. The least she could have done is say “Thank You”. But, I guess she must be in a hurry or something, so I thanked her instead (for the returned seat, of course :P )!

I love Bollywood & the two things I’ve learnt from almost all Bollywood movies is that: 1) People lie when they say “There is no such thing as love at first sight”  &  2) If it’s about love at first sight & the girl you like is going away from you, she would definitely look back at you if she likes you too.

I would by lying if I said it was ‘love at first sight’ for me but some how I badly wanted her to turn back, just once.

I turned 180 degrees in the bus to be able to see her, waiting for her ‘return’ look and just like they show it in those Bollywood movies, I did get one. Sadly, unlike those movies where the hero reacts with an ecstatic jump or with a crazy shouting like “Yes” or something, I fell into the bus. Well almost, as the timing of her looking back at me and the bus driver hitting the brakes matched and I almost collapsed. :P

It was so unlike me but I didn’t mind falling into the bus, to tell you the truth. Heck, I didn’t even mind people laughing at me. I was just glad the girl looked back for me & the fact that I finally found one reason to show to some of my friends who still believe all Bollywood movies are crap & there is no truth in them & all!

From the moment I get off the bus to when I reached my office, I had a smile on my face all along. In fact, I bumped into my Team Leader in the lift, and God, I was still smiling. My TL was like, “What is up? You seem like really happy”.

All I could come up in response was, “It’s a beautiful day”! I swear these were the exact same words that came out of mouth. But, looking at the reaction of all the people in the lift I realized I shouldn’t have said ‘It’s a beautiful day’ as it was a working day & all! ;)

In fact, all throughout the day I played that ‘girl looking back at me’ moment on a repeat mode in my mind. People at my office must have thought I was going mad or something! But for the first time in my life I didn’t care at all, about what others think of me & all, anyway.

All I could think of was, “It’s a beautiful day” :)

It has been a month now since our first meeting. We see each other almost everyday except Sunday as she has Sundays off in her college. I have both Saturdays & Sundays off in a week but I still catch the 52/2 bus sharp at 9:30 AM, just to see her & all, you know.

In the past one month, there has been endless ‘hide & seek’ between her & mine eyes. I think our story is going in the right direction. In fact, just recently she even reserved a sit for me! Oh and, did I tell you about all the smiles I get each time I look at her & the fact that, however crowded the bus may be we always find a way to sit or stand next to each other? :)

The only problem as always is, I’m a very shy person around strangers. Especially around girls & especially around girls I really like. I mean, I get it. I being a boy & all, have to make the first move. But God, it’s too fucking hard. It’s not like I’ve not tried it before.

In fact, just recently when she reserved a seat for me, I finally decided to tell her how much I like her. I gathered all the courage in the world & turned towards her & said “Hey”. I waited for sometime for her to look at me, but I guess she didn’t listen to me. I called to her one more time & she did not look at me!

The moment I decided to give up, she looked at me, right in my eyes and I froze. Literally. It was like someone plastered me alive or something. I tried real hard but couldn’t speak.

I smiled at her & got off the bus as quickly as I could! I must have scared the girl (man, it’s been a month now & still don’t know her name. I’ll have to do something about it first :P ), to death that day!

I decided to postpone the whole idea of ‘proposing’ her and all. Anyway, the reason I got enough courage to even think about proposing her the other day was because I had seen a really nice video on YouTube titled “Express to Impress”. Yeah, it was that good! ;)

The next day, I decided to catch 9:00 Am 52/2 bus instead of the regular 9:30 AM bus. I did not know why but I was trying to ignore the girl & all.It was a very unusual day, to tell you the truth.  For first, the 9 AM 52/2 was so unlike a 52/2 bus! It was half empty & it was not a holiday or something! Second, the girl I was trying to escape from was there on the bus!

Can you believe this? I mean, I like Bollywood movies & all and I do believe in ‘co-incidences’ & destiny & all, but this was too much, especially in the morning!

I guess, she too was trying to get away from me! Oh, yeah that must be the reason. I don’t blame her anyway. I almost scared the poor girl to death, the other day. I took the seat on the last row of the bus to ensure maximum distance possible between us!

It was 15 minutes since I was on the bus & I realized the bus was on CG Road already & it was long past St. Xavier’s college, but the girl was still there on the bus!

I seriously do not know how all of a sudden I gathered the courage to actually talk to her but I went towards her seat & said, “Hey, you go to St. Xavier’s college, right? Because, if you do & right now you wanted to go there, then you are way past your stop”. I said, it all in one go & I was like, man that was easy! ;)

But guess what, she did not listen to me this time either. I did not panic this time. Instead, what I did was, I sat in front of her, waved her so that she could have all the attention towards me & said the exact same things I told her earlier.

She looked at me & must have realized I was talking to her!

She did some things with her hands pointing at her ears, like she was trying to tell me something & then, I realized something that I should have realized a long time back: She was deaf & mute too. She could not hear & nor could she speak!

Boy, I was in a deep shock! Suddenly, I started to remember all the little incidents that would justify her being deaf & all.

I could not believe it. I mean, I always pictured the girl that I would fell for would be ‘perfect’. May be she was ‘perfect’, if you leave the fact that she can’t speak nor can she hear anything. Boy, I was in deep shock!

While I still was recovering from the sudden shock, she did something with her hands & her heart & her fingers pointing me & all, but I could not quite get what she was trying to say. I mean, from as far as I can remember, I suck at that game called “Dumb Sheraz”. It’s a stupid game, anyway. I mean, I do not even know how one would say “I love you” in that game, which I think evena 5 year old would know!

Then, I did something I should not have done. I stood up from my seat & got off the bus. I do not know why I did what I did, but the moment I got off the bus I realized I did something terribly wrong. I mean, the girl was trying to tell me something, for Christ sake! :(

I can not ever justify that behavior of mine with the fact I was in shock knowing that the girl of my dream was deaf & mute & not quite the ‘perfect’ one as I pictured she would be! It was then that I finally, truly understood the whole point behind making the movie “Satyam, Shivam, Sundaram” , which I claim to be my favorite movie!

It was then when I reached my office & showed the facial expressions the girl did in the end to some of my friends, that I got to know that she was trying to say something like, “I love you”. No, it was more like, “I LOVE YOU, TOO”!

Man, that ‘too’ in the end pained me a lot. It made me realize how much selfish I was. Suddenly, I started feeling sick & all! :(

I did not know what to do. Should I go & find the girl & apologize to her for my rude behavior or should I just live with the fact that I did a very bad thing & live with it for the rest of my life? Even if I did find the girl & apologize to her, would she be able to forgive me?

It has been many days since that incident & I have not seen the girl on the bus since then!

With the help of a friend, I even met the registrar of St. Xavier’s once, who told me there is no mute or deaf girl studying there as they do not take ‘special people’ at all. He even mentioned about some ‘special’ schools & colleges for ‘special’ people & hearing that ‘special’ word made me feel really sorry for the girl as had I not panicked the other day, she could have believed the fact that she was ‘normal’ & live like a normal person. only if I was not such a jerk that day :(

There are three things I’m quite sure of now:

1) Nobody is perfect & I learnt this the hard way, 2) Those people whom we label as ‘special’  needs to be looked at differently, at least I would because for all I’ve come to know, they are more ‘human’ than any of ‘normal’ people & 3) I still believe, this can not be the end of my story!

Not a single day passes since the incident that I pray to God for just one chance to meet her & to tell her how sorry I am about everything & how I wish that she did not have to see that day at all & that she is the most beautiful & the most ‘normal’ girl I ever met & I will ever meet & that I love her more than anything else in the world & to ask her to forgive me,  for in the end I’m only human!

What pains me the most every single day, is the fact that I do not even know her name. I guess for me, she would always be ‘the most normal girl I ever met’!

Letter to a Friend!

Dear Friend,

You know I don’t believe in celebrating special days like, mother’s day or father’s day or friendship day, for that matter. So, the fact that I am writing you this letter on FRIENDSHIP DAY is just a co-incidence.This is just to remind me and show you, how important you are to me, the fact that you hold the dearest spot in my heart. I am not even sure what I am going to write in this letter, but I just felt like writing, so here it goes :

Sometimes I wonder, how come we are best friends when we have very less things in common! How come you understand me more than I do, when we are like two completely different person? How come you are always so nice to me even when I’m not?

There’s just so many things about you that I don’t get at all. In fact, sometimes I feel I don’t even know you, in the first place!

It really hurts me when I behave really selfish at times and unlike you, don’t possess the courage to think about anybody else before I think about self, yet how come you always put me before you or anybody else, every single time? You are like the nicest, smartest and the most understanding person ever! You know everybody and everybody knows you while I’m like the official ‘forever alone’ guy, until you came to my life!

Being around you makes my whole world beautiful, filled with so much happiness that I can’t even keep a count of! You were the first one to show me  that ‘life is a bitch’ and later told me, ‘bitch is the new beautiful‘! ;) You are the one who I can count on, more than anyone else in this world!

Before I met you, I was like a ‘living yet dead’ person with nothing to do and no one to hang out with. Before you, I had no one to share my happiness with, no one who can offer me a shoulder to cry when the times got tough. Before you met me, I had no direction, no purpose, no idea of who I am. You were the one who woke me up from the dead life I was living, You were the one who filled my life with so many dreams and happiness that I almost forgot how lonely I used to be!

Before I met you, I was living probably because I was born and then, you came to my life just like an angel from those fantasy movies and I started to believe like I was born just to live!

You are just perfect. You know everything. You are always smiling, no matter what. You don’t bother others with your problems while you listen to theirs with all your heart! This is when it hurts me the most! :(

I know you don’t like to bore people with your problems and all. You won’t be wrong to assume that people just don’t care as everybody has their own shit to deal with! But my dear friend, while I am no saint but for you I hold the power and will to do anything, and I literally mean anything! I know by now, you have realized this but just to remind you the thing that only you taught me, “Life is beautiful filled with beautiful people!” So, please do me one more favor: Don’t hesitate to open your self ever, at least not when you’re with me and we would together prove all over again, how ‘bitch is the new beautiful!’ :D

I know most of the people I know and that may include you too, won’t consider yourself as the all-in-one awesome guy I described you hear, but you my friend, really are the best person to be best friends with. I consider myself to be really lucky that I got to be friends with you in the first place!

Just keep smiling and continue to spread happiness all around you. God bless you with all the happiness in the world, brother! :)

A girl I met at the galla !

It was 6:30am on a bright Monday morning. I was having tea at the galla outside my college. It was really early. I was all alone & didn’t expect anyone to come, anytime soon. It was perfect. I like it alone, anyways!

“Excuse me, would you mind if I seat here?!”

A girl? Definitely a girl! At this time of the day?!

I looked up and guess what?! It was a girl!

Not just a girl, but she had one of the sexiest yet friendliest smiles ever! A girl like her is a rare thing. At least at gallas it is!

Anyway, I couldn’t take my eyes off her face for a long time, to tell you the truth! She was just like an angel (NO, not like Victoria’s Secret :P ), but with a sexier smile!

 

 

It was not like I hadn’t seen a girl like her before. I mean, C’mon I go to DA-IICT, for Christ’s sake! Besides, there’s this cute little college called NIFT right in the neighborhood of DA where you’ll find all kinds of angels, you can ever dream of! ;)
For most guys she wasn’t that hot to go gaga over, anyways. And she was not, she was just beautiful! But, God the way she smiled! She could almost kill you with it, I bet!
“So, whatchya think?!” said the girl again.
“Yes, of course; it’s a free country after all”

What the fuck, right?! What was I thinking?! How lame it was or was it rude?! Was it the attitude or was I trying to be funny? Or was it that sexy smile of hers, that made me nervous as hell?!
Definitely the sexy smile! :P
After staring at me for like a minute or so, she finally said?! “Thank You, Sir!” With a smile that is kinda naughty, you know !
“Sir, eh?!” So, sense of humor. Should have figured that out from that awesome smile of hers! :D

Meanwhile, she had got me at “thank you, Sir”, to tell you the truth. The way she said those three words, it was kind of cute. You don’t forget things like that! Anyway, all I could come up with in response was just a smile, tried my best to keep it a sexy one, but when you have the goddess of sexy smiles sitting right in front of you, all you can come up with is a smile which is as pathetic as it gets!

As I said, there was no one at the galla besides me, so there was a plenty of free space to sit or smoke or whatever the fuck one wants to do. But guess what?! Leaving all those God damn empty space, she sat in the seat right in front of me. Perfect! More nervousness for me!

It was one of the longest wait ever before I decided to actually look up again and take a look at the girl! I mean, when you don’t know what the fuck is it that one talks to girls especially beauties like her, you have to keep a low profile you know, staying low and stuff. You never know when it’s safe and all, right?! ;)

“Thakoor bhaiyaa, ek garam and ek chaai”, she said.

So, she was a regular! Probably, a chain smoker and a bad ass (You could tell from the way she smoked)!

It was not too late before I figured, earlier when she asked me if she could seat in front of me what she really meant was if I had any problem with she smoking all over me!

The fact is I do have a problem with smoking. I mean, I was trying to quit it for past 4 fucking years of my college life, for Christ’s sake! I only go to galla at early mornings and that too for tea only! Anyway, just so you go to gall for tea only, you can’t expect other people to do the same, so you have to take some smoke in when some son of a bitch starts smoking all over you. But after a couple of years of smoking yourself plus 4 years of ‘trying’ to quit, you kinda become used to it!

Anyway, what I really want to tell you is that, Yes I would have a problem with a person smoking all over me, only if that person wasn’t a girl! As Chetan Bhagat would say, “The pretty girl is always right!” So, when that son-of-a-bitch is actually a girl-of-a-bitch, it’s all right. I mean anything for a girl! ;)

BTW, when you see some dude smocking, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? You would probably think, “What a waste fuck, trying to look cool and all”, if you are a non-smoker or like “Way to go, bro” if you are a fellow smoker or something like that, right?

But, a smoker or not, if you had seen the way that girl smoked, it was still kind of an amateur stuff, but boy did she looked cute with a cigarette in her hand and her constant failure in figuring out how the fuck one exhales smoke from the nose and all ! I was kind of feeling sorry for her and almost decided to call off the whole ‘quit smoking‘ thing and teach her a thing or two about smoking only if I could gather enough courage to actually talk to her in the first place, plus I was kind of having super fun watching her ‘smoke’ and all & did not want to give that up! :D

There was no makeup on her and from the look of her, I’m pretty sure she just woke up and then took off for galla. That’s how these sutta people work, anyway. The very first thing in the morning they need is a sutta, for Christ sake!
It was almost 7am. Means you would find all kind of people (girls ) passing through road now going for school, college and stuff. One of the best time pass ever you know, to see hotties in a hurry! ;)

See, every time a guy see a hottie and I mean a real hottie, he would have that same expression on his face as most guys do: Numb! Speechless! Or kind of face that would tell you in a second how much we appreciate a real beauty! ;)

“A hottie, eh!” said the girl finally finishing off her first cigarette.

Sorry”, I said pretending to be all dumb and all & not getting what the fuck was going on

That girl you just checked, was she any good?!” she was so sure I saw a hottie or something and was excited as fuck, you could tell. She almost jumped off her sit and landed on a sit right next to me, for Christ sake! Made me more nervous now!

“What girl? When? I don’t know any girl. I don’t have any friend who is a girl, in the first place. I don’t know what you are talking about”, I said real quick, as fast as I could! :P
See, I told you I was nervous as hell and when I’m nervous I could come up with all kinds of stupid things especially if I am talking to a girl!

Ohk man, relax. I thought you saw something. Something BIG, you know!” she stretched the word BIG as fuck! Boy, she WAS a real bad ass! ;)
Anyway, just so you know: Life is so much fun when you have a dirty mind!”, she said. She meant it! But of course I knew it, and I guess I must have known it long before the first time she had actually come across the concept of a dirty mind ! I mean, you don’t have to teach a guy about having a dirty mind and all, right?! ;)

I ordered another cup of tea, just to be sure I wasn’t dreaming or something. I mean, its a lot to take in, right?!
But you know what?! I’ve always wanted to meet a girl like her, to tell you the truth! Don’t know much about my future and all but I think I am pretty sure, to meet a girl like her was definitely part of my destiny!

She was just different from the rest of girls. For starters, she didn’t have any make up on & still managed to look gorgeous! I even doubt if she cared how she looked with or without make up, in the first place. That’s exactly the kind of girl she was! You know someone who just wants to have fun, live and let live, smile and spread happiness. The kind who doesn’t give a fuck what others think about her being a smoker or not wearing any makeup or having a dirty mind or any other damn thing! The type of living sure takes a hell lot of courage!

Anyway, all I could come with her remarks about having a dirty mind was just a smile. The same pathetic one!
Just so you know, only if she was a guy, then I would I have shown that fuck face, what having a god damn dirty mind is all about right from chapter one. But with girls, it’s kind of different.. You have to respect them. I mean, the last thing you wanna do is make a girl feel uncomfortable. It’s not a right thing to do, I had read somewhere and I do believe so. So, I let her get away with it! :)

So, what is your problem anyway”, she was kind of pissed off, you could tell from her voice.
I am sorry, I didn’t get you”, I felt dumb as fuck and this time I was not pretending. I seriously didn’t know what the fuck was she talking about this time! See, the only problem I’ve had with girls is that you never know what the fuck is cooking in their mind! And I mean NEVER!

I said, I am trying to have a conversation here. Why won’t you talk to me? It’s not like I’m going to kill you and cut you to pieces and throw them into some ocean or something. I mean I’m not a psycho or anything. I’m just a girl, for Christ sake”. And then she made that duck face!

Aah! Boy, the way she said I am just a girl, it almost killed me, but in a good way, you know! Did she look cute with her hair flowing all over her face! It was just like some romantic scene from one of those Bollywood movies and her eyes! God, her eyes! Kind of like greenish in color (Yes, I looked in her eyes for the first time :P ), that matched perfect with her fair face and also with that awesome smile of hers!

I would talk to you, only if you weren’t so god damn pretty, I thought.
Who said anything about you being a psycho and all? In fact, you are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen and definitely, the nicest girl I have ever talked to”, I said it all, finally!

I mean, that’s how her eyes were. A thing of beauty ( & a joy forever :P ). At the same time, convincing as fuck! You can’t lie to them. Those eyes sure made me tell all those God damn things I was dying to tell her for past half an hour for Christ sake!
I was kind of afraid that she would take it all in a wrong way and get the fuck outta there and that I won’t see her for the rest of my life! The very idea of not be able to see her again, started to eat me alive!
A long fucking pause and I almost died of suffocation, to tell you the truth! Then she spoke, after a minute or so!

Prettiest I have definitely heard like a thousand times but ‘nicest’ is something new for me”, she said kinda with a naughty smile,

That’s probably because you never got the chance to meet me earlier” I said

I don’t know how or why but suddenly out of nowhere, I started to feel comfortable talking to her for the first time! Now, the game is on BITCH ( :P ), I thought and smiled kind of like man-hi-man, not that she was one but I couldn’t stop the thought!
So, let’s start from the start. My name is Dhiren, soon going to be an Engineer in about a month or so. I go to DA-IICT, the one right in front of us, just in case!;)

Ha ha, very funny! I know where your stupid college is. Just so you know, I participated in Rampage this year in your college fest and was runner up for the best model. I go to NIFT, the one right next to your college, just in case!

Man, this time I couldn’t believe it. I mean, how the fuck can one believe the fact that I was talking to a NIFT girl for past half and hour, for Christ sake! I almost downgraded my state from being awesome back to being nervous, to tell you the truth! :P

So, NIFT eh?! You must be pretty amazing then!”, I said kind of nervous

Yeah, that I am! But, that doesn’t change the fact that I am nice, right?!”, and she smiled!

No, of course not. You are still the nicest girl I have ever talked to and I think I’ll ever talk to!” , I smiled and I think it was a good one, you could tell from the way the she smiled back!

So, are you going to tell me your name or what?!”, I remembered it suddenly & was kind of amazed as I had told her my name a long time back and she too told me all damn things about her except the name!
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, By any other name would smell as sweet!” ,she said smiling again kinda naughty one!

OK, OK. I get it. So, you have read Romeo and Juliet too. Now, quit messing around and please just tell me your name”, Man, I was sure in a hurry!

“Ha ha ha! Look at you. OK, baba. If it means so much to you then, My name is …….

 

Uth jao launde. Galla time!” From the sound of it, I was sure it was my my friend Gaurav!

Wait, what the fuck happened to the girl then?!

Where the fuck is the girl, man?!”, I nearly jumped off my bed and held Gaurav by his shirt collar.
What have you done to her?!”, I asked again

Are, calm down man. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”, he said trying to free his collar from my hands and all.
Dekho launde ko, subah subah sapne dekh raha hai“, and then he laughed like a fucking mad man and it kind of pissed me off!

No, no no.. It can’t be happening. Please say, it was not a dream. Just say it, man. Everything but a dream, for Christ sake”, I said that out loud that I almost passed out, to tell you the truth! :(

I mean, there was this beautiful girl that I was talking with for like an hour and half or so and she was so nice to me and that she also told me she is studying in a college not far from ours. I don’t remember much but I guess she was about to tell me her name and then, I don’t know… Something happened. Something bad happened! Yes, you woke me up, chodu! You woke me up from my god damn sleep! Only if you were late by a minute or so, I would have got her name! Damn, you!”, I said that out loud too.

I still couldn’t believe it. I mean, by now it was clear that it was all just a dream, a god damn dream, but still I was able to remember the exact way that she smiled, the cute way that she smoked, and the duck face that she made! God, it all started revolving around my eyes and it started to hurt a lot, to tell you the truth! Reality is one bitchy thing!

Yes I get it, it was all just a dream. But for me, it was more than just a dream, for Christ sake! Jhuthe hi sahi but she sure gave me some beautiful, memorable moments, a journey of lifetime, that I won’t forget for like ever!
But, you know what?! I had read somewhere: “The people you see in your dream aren’t just some random ones, but they are ones that you may have seen in your entire lifetime”!

So, I guess there’s still some chance that I had already meet her and that someday, I would meet her again just to tell her all about my dream and to tell her the fact that she has a special place in my heart and that I would not be able to forget her, not at least in this lifetime!

I just want my book back!

“Excuse me, is this seat taken?”

Well, I was sleeping with my legs stretched and all on a 3 person seat. So, it was occupied, doesn’t take a genius to figure it out! I was travelling to home from college for some vacation or something in a bus. The bus was almost empty, so it pissed me off a little, out of all those god damn empty seats in the bus, someone was crying for my seats!

What does it look like, were the words that would have normally come out of my mouth if only that person wasn’t a girl! :P

I was on a night out. I am always on a night out when I need to go home. How else you’re gonna catch a 7am bus in the morning from Ahmedabad?! As you may have already heard, “In DA-IICT, its so damn easy to be awake till 7am then to wake up at 7am!”

Anyway, if it wasn’t for a girl, I would never have opened my eyes, you know. That’s what pisses people off, I mean when they ask you to move a little so that they can seat on the empty seat besides you and you pretend like you’re in a deep coma or something and eventually the other person runs out of patience. So, they either get the fuck outta there or try to wake you up from a god damn fake sleep, you know if they are bitchy or something! That whole situation, it’s kinda fun, if you ask me! ;)

So, I heard her voice and I was sure, she must be a hell lot of a girl. You can tell a lot about a girl (if she’s hot or cute or semi cute or semi hot or not hot at all :P ) just by her voice. That’s what I had read somewhere, anyways!

But, given the experience of travelling in ST bus for 4 years, I had rarely seen a girl travelling through ST bus from Ahemdabad to Bhavnagar, let alone a hot one! So, just to make sure ki I wasn’t day dreaming or something, I opened my eyes and I couldn’t believe what I saw, neither would you if you haven’t seen twins in real life yet; that too girls and that too both of them as beautiful as them goddesses!

I still couldn’t believe my eyes! I mean, for 3 and a half fucking years, you don’t see a single decent girl, you know someone who makes you feel good, someone who is soothing for your eyes, someone who makes you feel happy just by looking at her face or OK, sometimes assets! ;)  And suddenly, there are two and them twins!  Couldn’t get better than this, right?! ;)

Anyway, I was feeling sleepy like a god damn child. Don’t know why, I mean it was not like I was a rookie or something, I mean at night outs. Its part of every engineer’s life, right?

“So, are you  going to say something or not”, said the other one.

Well, of course I would only if you two weren’t so damn hot, I thought!

“Yes, of course; please seat down”, I said trying to be polite and all, you know. I was nervous. Girls make me nervous, especially those hot ones. Its like hotter the lady, more nervous one feels. Man, you can’t help it; specially not when there are two beauties sitting right beside you!

I was sitting at the window seat. I always seat at a window seat, doesn’t matter if its the first row or the last. I mean, I like window seats, that’s all. Not because, its so damn beautiful on the sides of the highway, its just that it’s better than what is usually inside, you know! ;)

“Can you please switch seats with me?! I like window seat”, said one of them.

Well, of course you do. Who doesn’t like a window seat?!, I thought. Out of all those god damn things, she asked for my window seat! Man, that bugged the hell outta me! I would never give up my window seat;  not even on my dead body, only if she weren’t a girl! :P

So, now that I was seating in between two twins, I decided to look cool, you know try and get some attension. I put on some music and started reading the book, “The catcher in the Rye”, which is my favorite book, BTW. Yeah, that’s right, that’s exactly what I did. I am an idiot, I know. I mean,most of the time, you find boys saying situations like mine happens only in Bollywood movies. Only if it happened in real life, I too would have at least a girl friend, by now, that’s what we all are assured of. Now, that it was a real thing, what did I do? I started reading a god damn book! Ironic, ain’t it?!

I had read, “The catcher in the Rye” like a million times but still, now that I was seating in between two goddesses, I couldn’t get past the first page!  I mean, what’s up with that, right?!

“Excuse me”, the window girl said. FINALLY! ;) Anyway, I was glad she started the conversation, once again.

“I think it’s none of my business, but are you reading or listening to music?!”, she said. Sounds pretty dumb question, right? I mean, I was reading with music on, that was it. That’s exactly what I told her.

She said, “Not to brag, but too have a habit of reading. I read a lot, actually. And you know what I read recently?! “, she asked. I waited for her to answer the damn question herself. After a minute or two of long pause, I figured, she was actually expecting an answer from me! I mean, I just met her, for Christ’s sake. How the hell, in the world would I know what she read a few days back?!

“So, what did u read?!”, I asked trying to smile and look cool and all that stuff, you know.

“She said I read an article recently that said, there is nothing called multitasking when it comes to human brain!”  Holy shit, beauty with brain! So, its not a paradox, after all! ;)

“Recent study had revealed that although you seem to read the book and listen to music at the same time, your mind is actually concentrating at ONLY one thing at a time. So, in short at a given time, you’re either listening to music or reading, not both. Got it?!”, she smiled.

That smile killed me! It still does! :D

I mean, only if we had professors like her, I too would want to be a 10 pointer! ;)

So, well of course, I got it. I mean, who wouldn’t right?! Its not everyday that you find some one as  beautiful as Preeti explain stuff to you like that, right?! Yeah, that’s right Preeti was her name. The other one was Neha, not that it matters who’s who, I mean you won’t be able to tell, right? ‘Cause they were twins?! ;)

God, you can tell just from my face, I was trying so hard to come up with a line to chat with her more.  But, the problem was all I could think of was, I like your smile, will you marry me?!

“So, what are you reading, anyway?!” She (Preeti, the window girl) came up with a line, once again!

“Its my favorite book called The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D.Sallinger. Heard of it?”, finally I too had something to say! :P

“No, I guess not. Can I borrow it? But first, tell me is it any good?!”

Now, that killed me. It was my favorite book, for Christ’s sake. It bugged the hell outta me  It really did! It was only after a while that I realized she was just messing with me! ;) So, I gave her the book, and she started shouting, “Oh, thank u, thank u very much, Dhiren. You made my day. You are a very nice person”. And then she smiled! Oh God, that smile! It kills me every time! :D

So, I it didn’t took me long to fell in love with this girl. I mean, I know I fall in love with every other girl I see, but boy, I could tell she was the ONE! Suddenly, I started thinking about that SRK movie Rab Ne Banadi Jodi, and thought maybe this is a sign! Rab was trying to make my love story! ;)

I mean, if you really think about it: first, two cute girls in the ST bus on my route, then they happen to seat right beside me with almost half of the bus empty and then, the girl I fell in love with was insanely beautiful + a reading habit + an awesome sense of humor! That’s something, right?!

It was definitely a sign, you could tell! :D

“Are uth ja bhai. Bhavnagar, last stop aa gaya”, and I was like what the fuck happened to Preeti’s voice. So, I woke up and found out that the whole bus was god damn empty!

Turned out, I was sleeping for last 3 hours and the bus reached Bhavnagar 15 minutes ago!

All I could think was, where the hell is Preeti and her sister?! I jumped out of bus window, just for the hell of it; and looked everywhere for them. Couldn’t find it!

It depressed me a lot. I mean, finally only good thing happened in my life, that lasted for what like half an hour?! That’s really unfair! I mean, Why, God, why?! Why the fuck did I sleep?! It wasn’t like I didn’t sleep for days. It was just one night out, for Christ’s sake!

It was a sad moment. Depressing as hell, for sure! :(

Then, just when I was about to give up on my wife (well, soon to be ;) ), I saw something written on my hand. It wasn’t my hand writing for sure. It was very bad writing, to be frank. I was confused whether it being Peeti’s hand writing will be a good thing or bad?! I mean, it would be bad because, she was perfect in almost everything just a moment ago, with everything about her so awesome and all. And, now you find out she had a very bad writing! I mean, it felt good to, finally I could find out to tease her, you know if I see her next time, if there is a next time!  And, the good thing being if it was really her, she must have left a message or something for me!

I tried to figure it out. It was so damn messy, but I got it anyways!

She had written, “Find me and take me & your book, both with you“! Man, was that a joke or something?! I mean, the only thing I knew about her was her name and that she was awesome, that’s it!

Then, there was something written on my left had too. It said, “BTW, I know you go to DA-IICT!”

It really took me a while to figure out how she found that out! Tuned out, I had wear that Synapse co-ordinator  T-shirt! :P  Man, was she awesome! She was so full of life and all that! God,I already started missing her! Why does all good things come to an end?! :(

Hell, I miss her every single day! That half an hour that I spent with her is still photographed in my mind. For the first time in my life, I felt like complete. No bullshitting! I mean it. For the first time in my life, I felt alive!

Its been months yet haven’t figure it out! Who was she, really? Where did she live? What did she do?! Not a single clue at all! Just that she was so damn good with me. I mean she was so beautiful and pretty and polite and all. And that I fell in love with her and all! That was all, sadly. If only I was Sherock Holmes or some other god damn spy! :(

Now, all I can think of is: I just want my book back ’cause that seems the only way I will ever see her again!


Let’s bring back the Lost Glory!

The whole idea of a never ending compulsion of doing everything by the rules, the never ending efforts to be normal, you know to be just another kid or like “Just another brick in the wall”, Its just god damn depressing, isn’t it?

I mean, whole of our life we try to do things we don’t like, the things that in the end, gets you nowhere but at the start itself. You know, life’s just too short to come at the same point!

I have lived long enough to know the urge to fit in or to be just another kid, just seems unavoidable. And people don’t help either. All they seem to care about is getting somewhere, anywhere, it doesn’t matter; you just need to keep running, doesn’t matter where! You just need to show others that YOU are running! But you know what, that’s just some plain pointless shit! If you feel you belong somewhere, well, congratulations, you made it;  but if you don’t seem to know what to do, where to go, then you got a real problem.  That’s when they start judging you! They will say, how can you deserve a normal life when you don’t even know what you want to become, where you want to go and stuff! That’s what they will do!

Now, what do YOU do! Do you keep living the life you love or give everything up and focus all of your energy into being normal, in fitting in?

You know what? I already know what you’ll do! If you don’t have the courage to face time, the courage to see change, You will run back straight to those same fuckers who said you don’t belong nowhere and beg them to give you a chance, you know a chance to prove yourself. That’s what you’ll do, I bet, even if you don’t want to!

I am not saying anything about you or me being weak. In contrast, what I mean to tell is that we need time, that’s all. Time heals everything. As time passes, we learn how things work, we learn to tweak a thing or two. Everybody has their own speed of catching things, that’s all. But aaj nahi to kal, sab samajh me aa jata hai! So, in the end we don’t need to force ourselves into being normal or we don’t need to fit in anywhere. In fact, what I don’t get is ,why the fuck do we want to fit in so badly, whereas each one of us was made to stand alone, to be different!

You know, most of us spent half of our lives worrying about useless things, things that don’t concern us! That fear of being right and wrong is a very dangerous thing. It is that fear that makes us weak and it is the same fear that gives those fuckers the idea of judging others! That fear is same thing that makes you to pretend, to force you to become somebody You’re not! And in the end, you will get tired of running, tired of pretending, tired of lies, but you won’t be able to do anything! You know why?! Because, in the end, so much pretending and wearing masks on your face will turn your whole life into a god damn lie!

What we don’t get is or rather, what we don’t want to get is that, as my senior and a friend Daaku Bhaiyaa would say, “Beyond the ideas of rightdoings and wrongdoings, there is a field far more beautiful and full of life” and its the exact place for people like you, me, like us who don’t know where we belong or people who don’t want to ‘attach’ themselves to any group, place where you don’t need to lie, where we can finally stop pretending, place where we can stop running and just live and breathe and smile and spread some more smiles! :D

So, if you too are sick of pretending, of running away from fear of rights and wrongs, let’s all meet there in that ‘field’ and let’s start a brand new story together and give this world back its lost glory! We don’t have to do nothing, just try to be ourselves and rest will follow! :)

Some Good Old Mantra!

Life is a bitch, it always has been!

Its not fair, in short. I mean, some things about life makes me feel real sad. It’s depressing, to tell you the truth because sometimes it seems really unfair!

But the thing that bugs me the most is that people don’t care. All of them are so damn busy living a life that’s more depressing than life, to tell you the truth! I mean life’s not fair and it being bitchy and all that, is all right as long as people stop behaving life dumb asses and do something about it.

For example, people spend half of their lives worrying about things that doesn’t concern them at all. That’s what that bugs me the most. People are like, “Holy shit, he has got a BMW, that son of a bitch” or like “Shit, he has got a girl friend that is hot as fuck”, or the most depressing ones are like, “Sachin Tendulkar got his 100th century against Bangladesh, that’s like nothing”!

Now, neither can I nor you can do anything about a guy with a BMW or with a hot girlfriend, but what can we do is to mind our own damn business. That’s a real thing to do. I mean why the fuck worry about or judge someone about whom you don’t know the very first thing? It’s depressing, really! We need to stop doing that.

And to people being smart asses about Sachin’s 100th century against Balgladesh recently, let me tell you one thing: You are probably the dumbest ass alive on the face of Earth right now! You know, it takes 99 centuries to get to 100 centuries! You do know counting, don’t you? Or if its not enough, just tell me one simple thing, What the fuck is it that you’ve achieved till now?

First be able to answer that simple question or mind your own god damn business. And if you think, every body is free to have their opinions, you are right, of course you do have a right to say whatever you want. But, if you want it to make is some sense, then you need to stop being a smart ass or just stop judging people, that would do. You would be doing yourself a favor, I swear! ;)

I mean minding their own god damn business is not that tough of a task, right?

Now, I don’t mean to be complain or something neither am I perfect or something. I mean that’s the point. You don’t need to be perfect. In fact, there is no such thing as perfect. Just be your self. What we need is stop complaining about life being bitch and all that. Life is a bitch because we make it so. For starters, we don’t mind our own business, we can’t see other people happy, we think its OK to judge people without knowing the whole god damn truth! We should try stop doing things like that, shouldn’t we? :)

We are humans, aren’t we? That’s no way to live for one of the smartest species that this Earth has ever seen, right?

I hope it makes some sense! Have a Good Day! :D